If you want to add to this list e-mail us ... click here

  1. Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs.
  2. Your family owns a coffee grinder..and a nut grinder
  3. You have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name
  4. Duck tape is your father's only tool next to using a kitchen knife as a screwdriver .
  5. Baba chased you around the house with Kamilica to drink and Vicks toshove up your nose when you had a cold.
  6. Your 15 year old sister can out-drink any Amerikanac
  7. You get a C in history, but can recite every Serbian king, in order,from Czar Dusan
  8. Your dad never told you about the birds and the bees
  9. At your wedding you know only about a third of the people there.
  10. At your wedding you have a minimum of 350 guests.
  11. At your wedding the first song is always "danas majka zeni svoga sina".
  12. You have at least 3 slave to attend to on the same day.
  13. All slave have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
  14. All weddings have the same cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
  15. All christenings have the cuisine "supa, sarma, Pecenje".
  16. A Serb girl tries to look 23 but she's actually 15.
  17. At least one of your friends name is "Dragan".
  18. You are somehow related to every 1 in 3 Serb girls/boys.
  19. You don't actually attend University, just hang out there and play "tablic".
  20. You can derive "Steve" from "Nenad".
  21. You can derive "David" from "Zeljko".
  22. You can derive "Mark" from "Mirko".
  23. Your father calls you a "dummy" for not knowing how to do something he can't either.
  24. Even the fat Serb chicks put on the tightest skirt possible.
  25. Your father expects you to study or "hit da books" every waking hour that he's home, and he expects nothing less than an "A".
  26. A cold shiver runs down your spine when your mom threatens by using the word "tata" in a sentence.
  27. Your Deda cuts the grass with knee high black socks and slippers.
  28. You work out six days a week, but somehow you dad whoops your ass in like five seconds after he comes home from a thirteen hour day from the bakery/factory/food business.
  29. You have three pairs of black shoes.
  30. You drive a nicer car than your parents.
  31. There is a 120-gallon barrel of wine and Cabbage in your garage.
  32. There is more alcohol in your liquor cabinet than at the local bar.
  33. You hear birds chirping and see the sun rise every time you come home from the bar.
  34. Your mother still makes your bed.
  35. You are 18 years old but your parents still call you by your brother's name.
  36. Your Baba calls all cereal "Corn Flakes".
  37. You can hear your dad snoring from across the street.
  38. Your dad carries around enough money to buy a car.
  39. Your dad wears black socks to work everyday.
  40. Your Baba and Deda live in your basement.
  41. Your parents never go on vacations because they are afraid to leave you home alone for a week.
  42. You have all brand new appliances in your kitchen but your mom cooks in the basement with the stove from your old house.
  43. Your baba swears more than you do.
  44. Your dad claims not to be a racist but insists the whole world should speak Serbian.
  45. You are prohibited from speaking English in you own home.
  46. Before school every morning your parents had to look after the sheep, milk the cows, gather all hay, feed the animals etc..
  47. Both your parents had to walk to school barefoot in the snow, 5km uphill both ways. And over rocks.
  48. Your parents can't pronounce "Thursday".
  49. Your mum makes her own bread and slices it with a BIG kitchen knife to a thickness of 5cm per slice.
  50. You have the biggest sandwiches at school, always consisting of "prsut Or salami".
  51. Your dad wears dress socks with tennis shoes.
  52. Each one of your friends has a distinct, annoying laugh.
  53. All the hot girls/guys are your cousins.
  54. Your dad starts to swear obsessively whenever he watches CNN.
  55. Your parents have gone on vacation ONCE and it was to Serbia.
  56. There's at least one relative that your family refuses to talk to.
  57. You had to break off a tree branch from your back yard, so your dad could whoop your ass with it.
  58. When you are reading this list and you're cracking up
  59. Your mom uses lard instead of Crisco to fry eggs. ..... and tells you it's good for you
  60. One of your relatives is a construction worker / painter
  61. The main menu for lunch is cabbage and beans.
  62. A loaf of bread is eaten for lunch.
  63. You don't want to have or do any business with Serbs.
  64. The minute Church services are finished you run to the bar in the Church Hall and get plastered
  65. You only go out of town for Serbian Tournaments and Dances
  66. Your dad pronounced the silent b in Climb, plumber, comb etc…
  67. Your parents have a shot of rakija for breakfast
  68. Your mom wears her bra as a bathing suit
  69. It takes over 8 years to finish college
  70. If you are female, you first name ends in "A"
  71. You have a Serbian cross, flag, or icon, hanging from your rear view mirror
  72. Your uncle makes his own wine that is stronger than rakija
  73. You think everything is a conspiracy
  74. Your dad thinks that the phone is bugged
  75. If you are a girl and not married by the age of 20 you are an old maid
  76. Your mother insists that "promaja" will kill you
  77. You base your whole life on the fortune in your coffee cup
  78. You eat canned peppers and ajvar with every meal
  79. You have a Kosovka Devojka goblen hanging on your wall
  80. You live with your mom and dad until you are married
  81. You have a pair of wool slippers that your baba knit
  82. Your mom tells you not to sit on concrete or your ovaries are going to freeze
  83. On your birthday, your parents make you take a picture cutting the cake with a huge knife.
  84. There's a slab of fat in your fridge called "slanina"
  85. Rakija is used to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as a massage lotion
  86. When you celebrate Christmas and Easter and New Year two weeks after everyone else
  87. At your birthdays everyone is singing "Happy brzday tu u"
  88. You wear as much gold as your girlfriend/mother/sister
  89. When the head of a pig with an apple in its mouth is looked upon as a delicacy
  90. As a kid you are paid to steal the bride's shoe at a wedding
  91. When your baba will not accept the fact that you're not hungry
  92. When all your Serbian friend's dads offer you slivo at age 16.
  93. Your Tata complains da ga ledga BOLE!!!
  94. When you had/have a pet named Mishko, Marko, Mirko, etc...
  95. Your parents pronounce three, thirteen and thirty three as tri, tirteen, and tirty tree.
  96. You get the mumps and your baba ties slabs of bacon (slanina) around your ears to cure the mumps.
  97. You have a vegetable garden in your backyard consisting of a variety of peppers, onions and tomatoes.
  98. You have a freezer that is loaded with meat products, especially pork.
  99. You have a cold cellar that includes a variety of meat/deli products,pickled goods, and wine.
  100. When your parents constantly say you'll end up a nobody if you don't graduate from University
  101. When you have to reassure your Mother that her cooking is the best
  102. When your Mom proclaims that she doesn't gossip about other Serbs but full well knows that she does
  103. When you're an adult and still recieve Easter chocolate
  104. When you had to go perform as an altar boy
  105. Whenever you went by Baba's house, she offered you supa, sarma, pecenje or kolace and got mad if you didn't eat EVERYTHING.
  106. You are at a zabava and guy's try to pick you up with "Hey baby, what's your slava??"
  107. You live for the annual Folkfest and/or Soccer Tournament
  108. Whenever you kiss somebody, you kiss them 3 times.
  109. When your grandma says that farting is healthy.
  110. You have 4 pairs of opanke in your attic, basement, closet...
  111. When you are told that you'll grow a tail if you drink coffee at a young age
  112. You are freaked out by 'Babaroga'
  113. Your tata pronounces "oops" as "ups."
  114. All the older Serbs around you are always worried about drafts.
  115. You hear the word "BATINE" and you cringe or go into convulsions
  116. Your tata has a smoke house and smokes all the slanina/prsut/pecenje for the surrounding serb colony
  117. You have opanke hanging from your rear view mirror
  118. The first conversation you had as a baby used the words "jebi ga"
  119. You cant imagine hearing a song without the obligatory "harmonikas solo"
  120. You use Shljivovitca down the carburetor to start your 69 Dodge Charger on a cold winter morning
  121. You know you are a Serb when you live in Cabramatta and are proud of it!
  122. You know you are a Serb when you can hear your parents talking, and you are across the street.
  123. All other action stops when you hear the music : "Boze Pravde", "Kad sam bio mali", or "Marsirala"
  124. "Your Baba says everything you do is bad and what you need is a nice Serbian girl to take care of you!"
  125. "Everyone is sure that you're Italian or Greek"
  126. "Your Baba wastes absolutley no food and even sticks flour in the freezer to keep fresh"
  127. You know your Serbian, when you are a fan of whatever basketball team Vlade Divac is on
  128. When your mother cuts your hair with a "serpa"
  129. When your mother calls you a "stoka"

  130. When you have a 'cutura' hanging on the wall

  131. When you have a knitted cover for the chairs at home

  132. Colours to be used when painting one's home green,blue,white

  133. Colours not to be used when painting one's home black,red,brown

  134. All Dalmatinci have a donkey called 'zekan'

  135. Your parents avoid seeing the Doctor unless they are dying

  136. You are unable to eat the mountain of food on your plate and are reminded by your grandfather that he spent six years in the war with no food at all!

  137. Changing phrases into Serbian, eg 'kuvanje knjiga'(cooking the books)

  138. Realising that 'fascist' is interchangeable with Tudjman, the Pope, Mother Theresa, Goran Ivanisevic..well basically anything which is remotely Croat.

  139. When the garage/basement is full of boxes of grapes prior to the wine making season

  140. When your parents discuss the relative merits of different types of manure(djubar)

  141. When you consume a wedge of cheese only to realise that it 'post' and you shouldn't be eating 'masno'

  142. Trying to figure out if a bar of chocolate is 'masno'

  143. Eating 'bakalar'

  144. When you can always smell garlic on your parents breath and they insist it kills all the bacteria.

If you want to add to this list e-mail us ... click here

Special thanks to

Copyright © 2000